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Shitty Neighbours Pt.2 – The Donkeys are at it again.

“…The fire fighters told me they received a phone call from my neighbours who said there was a fire at my home… the funny thing is they immediately asked me when would the pizzas be ready and if they could come over for dinner. They even asked, how I built the oven, what type of bricks I used, and where they could buy some!…”

Since I received a large number of requests for updates, I have been compelled to write a follow up post to my shitty neighbours post part 1…

You may recall I’ve had numerous ongoing issues with intolerant neighbours, who continuously and incessantly go out of their way to be obnoxious pests, hurling verbal abuse and threats over the fence, taking photographs, poisoning my bamboo and breaking culms. They scream out to each other from the granny flat to the front house and whinge, complain and carry on at just about everything. They have nothing better to do with their time.

About three years ago I made a fire in a 44 gallon drum and my lovely neighbours called the fire brigade. In my opinion it was a waste of tax payer’s money and government resources. Wouldn’t common sense prevail? Wouldn’t the neighbourly thing to do is talk to your neighbour? Oh I forgot, hill billy’s lack that personal skill. When I went to speak to them and apologise for the smoke, the mum screamed “<Marge Simpson>There’s a total fire ban in all of Queensland! The fire brigade is on its way…</Marge Simpson>”. When the fire fighters arrived, they told me if I had a grill and sausages over the drum I would have been “sweet”.

This Monday, I fired up the wood fired pizza oven and the fire brigade arrived 15 minutes after I started the fire. The fire fighters told me they received a phone call from my neighbours who said there was a fire at my home… the funny thing is they immediately asked me when would the pizzas be ready and if they could come over for dinner. They even asked, how I built the oven, what type of bricks I used, and where they could buy some!

As a solution to this unneighbourly dilemma, I initially put up a 2.2 metre fence (with council approval) but it did not help deter this behaviour. I built a raised garden bed and planted two bambusa textilis gracilis along the boundary line. One plant was poisoned and the other was hacked (see below) – courtesy of my sweet shit-for-brains neighbour (I dearly call him Shrek because he looks like Shrek, minus the green skin and trumpet ears).

I proceeded to try to propagate my own bamboo with little success. Yes, I know, the first post was very effective, but unfortunately Gracilis is extremely difficult to propagate from a cutting. I talked with a Bamboo expert who said they had a 40% rate of success – and it takes a long time to grow roots. So I eventually bought another 15 plants at $60 a pop. Now comes the fun part – I knew Shrek would do more damage to my plants… and I bought some cheap video surveillance cameras off ebay to protect my investment.

The day came when my bamboo was hacked yet again (this is the third time) and yes, I do have video footage of the hacking… but I am going to play it cool. I am not going to divulge my plan just yet as things are still unravelling, but it is pure genius – AND most important of all absolutely legal! (I confirmed with the Brisbane City Council and my building certifier).

I have had a number of friends tell me I should poison his plants and break branches off his shrubs and trees, but the thing is, I refuse to stoop to this level. This poisoning and hacking a neighbour’s plants is a cowardly act. Only a gutless and pathetic donkey would do such a thing. Any decent or civilized person would at least attempt to communicate in a friendly, open and tolerant manner with his neighbour – not hide and carry out stealth missions in the cover of darkness or while we’re away from home. The last time we talked, he told me I “had a screw loose” and “wasn’t the full quid” – so apparently I am the one with the mental issues as I try to protect my plants from him reaching over the fence and breaking the culms. That makes a lot of sense and it proves my point.

Poisoned Bambusa Textilis Gracilis – 11 days after poisoning.

Poisoned Bambusa Textilis Gracilis - Poisoned bamboo

Poisoned Bambusa Textilis Gracilis – 19 days after poisoning

Other Gracilis before hacking

Hacked Bambusa Textilis Gracilis

Bambusa hacked by neighbour again

Closer view of my hacked Bambusa Textilis Gracilis

Close up of broken Gracilis culm

Bambusa growing nicely – note 1 plant hacked.

Gracilis slowly growing…

Brisbane woofired pizza oven – by Papa Gomez

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Brisbane woofired pizza oven – by Papa Gomez

“…None of this thick carboard style, sausage and cheese crust filled, tasteless Frisbees they sell in franchise owned restaurants…”

So , you love pizzas, eh?

Well, what do you know?? So do I!!! As a matter of fact, pizzas are my favourite food group in the whole wide world… Not that I eat pizzas every day (I would if I wasn’t so conscious of my waistline), but I do have an enormous appreciation for a great rustic Italian pizza.

Roll the clock back to circa 1982, when my parents took me to a restaurant called “La Siesta” in Geneva. I had the Quattro Stagioni and automatically fell in love with the flavours and smell of pizzas, and more importantly those covered with anchovies and capers. I would probably get crucified in Australia for saying this (and I do apologise to my friends in advance) – I don’t believe in pizza toppings such as pineapple, sour cream, potatoes, minced meat and chicken. When it comes to pizzas, I personally believe in tradition and only vouch on Italian classics – including Margarita, Capricciosa, Napoletana, Marinara, Il Diavolo, Quattro Formaggi and of course my favourite. Thin crust with few, fresh toppings. None of this thick carboard style, sausage and cheese crust filled, tasteless Frisbees they sell in franchise owned restaurants.

Many, many years ago, I had this a idea of building my own woodfired pizza oven. I would use my hooded gas BBQ to cook pizzas (which worked much better than an electrical oven as it gave the dough a better flavour). I even bought a slab of granite and had it cut to size and polished so it would fit inside my BBQ – the granite started to show cracks after a few firings and didn’t work as well as I would have hoped. I also bought a few pizza stones. They were excellent as the porous surface absorbed the moisture from the dough and made the base crunchy. But ultimately, I knew that no other cooking implement would beat that of a traditional wood fired oven…

It was really worth all the effort building the oven!!

And that is how my mission began… (I will be adding more photos to this gallery over time as I continue and complete this project.) I should also show my gratitude and thank fornobravo.com for their oven plans and extremely helpful instructions.

Oh and I almost forgot – I could not have done this without the physical help of Fred, Vitaly, Koray and the Russians, and the motivational support of my beautiful wife Letty. Thank you so much guys!!

Trench dug, reo/steel laid and formwork ready for pouring

Other angle

Concrete poured and blocks purchased

Laying the blocks

Vitaly – thinking of better days…

Happy like a pig in mud – Yay!

Slowly laying the blocks

One course…

After course…

Overall view of first part of formwork

Form work – this will be filled with concrete and serve as work bench where magic happens.

Starter bars into the support columns for suspended slab

Clean out blocks around bench perimeter – this will be filled with soil and used as pots for a herb garden.

Pour the concrete into the form work. One painful wheelbarrow at a time.

Once the concrete has dried…

Dry concrete – suspended slab/bench

Taking shape…

More blocks…

Ray Sprake – Bobcat man

Digging holes for foundations

These holes are deep,,,

1.7 metres deep – don’t fall in!

Formwork for suspended slab/bench. This consists of 12mm d-bar, 16mm d-bar and starter bars.

More blocks laid, more formwork and more suspended concrete

Concrete poured into foundation holes – SHS and 16mm D-bars in place

Ready to start on the woodfired oven…

Still taking shape…

Old Grafton Kiln

Destroying Grafton Kiln

A piece of Australian history in every slice of pizza…

Kiln arch

Destroyed Kiln arch

Tapered refractory bricks

More tapered bricks

Drive out to Grafton, NSW to pick up refractory bricks taken from the old Kiln.

Got the bricks home, time for a quick presentation

Bricks and 7mm plywood template.

Lay bricks on ground as a trial.

Render blocks while waiting for weather to improve

More rendering.

Split faced blocks will be used to finish off the project…

Checking the base template for size and fit.

Cut and Lay surrounding blocks – serves as formwork for vermiculite

Time to use vermiculite for the base.

I did not use these tools. Instead I mixed 5 parts vermiculite to 1 part cement in the wheelbarrow. Mix dry first and add water slowly.

Make sure the surface is level

Seriously – really make sure! This will be the level of the sacred surface…

Vermicrete – Vermiculite and cement hardens like the running ground at your athletic’s field.

Present bricks for the landing

Mix fire mortar… Dry first, then add water. 3 sand : 1 cement : 1 hydrated lime : 1 fire clay – little plasticiser.

Lay the bricks and put some weight on them

Close up

Sacred surface is now laid and level

Present bricks and template

Time for a quick taste test…

6 bricks laid – oh yeah!

First course nearly completed

Ratchet, hinged elbow socket, saddle clamps and 1/2″ drive extension

Home made “Indispensable tool” – aluminium u-channel and pop rivets.

Second course and home made “indispensable tool”

2 courses laid – 44 half tapered bricks per course

2 courses

Two courses and entrance laid.

3rd and 4th courses and first arch laid

Closeup of first arch – not a pretty site.

Overall view

First arch

Close up of 4th course with keystone

Entrance to oven

5th and 6 courses laid

7th and 8th courses laid

Closer view of 8th course

Getting close!!

Overall view

More mortar – grimace

Bricks stacked on top of sand in sand bag

Close up of top of dome

Ready for closing the dome – car jack, melamine circle, rubbish bag filled with sand in dome shape…

Overall view

Applying mortar to the underside of the top of dome

Second (outer) arch complete – note this arch is lower than first arch to stop smoke from coming out.

Time for first firing!

First baby fire…

First dish ever prepared in oven!!

Peruvian roast chicken…

Insulation blanket and chicken wire

Few blocks laid…

Few more blocks laid… cement stains will have to be cleaned with acid when finished.

So we had our first pizza day…

It was really worth all the effort building the oven!!

Rocklea Reds

Machu Picchu

Aventura culinaria gastronomica – Peruvian Food

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“…For all of you Peruvian food buffs out there, you’ll probably think I am crazy if I tell you my favourite dish was Salsa Criolla…”

I love food. Yes I do. I love food that punches me in the face and screams “FLAVOUR!!!!!!!” So when my wife and I travelled throughout the coast of Peru, we went hunting for the most renowned and popular restaurants in the country.

For all of you Peruvian food buffs out there, you’ll probably think I am crazy if I tell you my favourite dish was “Salsa Criolla“. I ate it on its own, with fish, rice, pasta, potatoes, camote, cuy, tacu tacu – well, I did say everything!

The following restaurants are just some that were highly recommended to me. They are very popular and renowned for their signature dishes throughout Peru.

El Refugio de Mamaine: Location El Carmen, Chincha (150klms south of Lima) – For the best Afro-Peruvian in all of Peru. Mamaine currently holds the Guinness record for the largest Carapulcra ever made.
Restaurante Don Tato: Location Barranca, 300klms north of Lima) – For the best Tacu Tacu in all of Peru. Don Tato was proclaimed as the best Tacu Tacu chef in all of Peru by world renowned Peruvian gastronomic legend Gaston Acurio.
El Rincon del Pato: Location Lambayeque (300klms north of Trujillo) – Duck is their signature dish, their flagship space saucer. Definitely worth a try… just fingerlickin’ good. And, the attention to service was second to none. Our waitress was delightfuly friendly. I have never received such service anywhere else in the world.
El Restaurante de Cesar: Location Tortugas: (320klms north of Lima) – Well, Don Cesar is friends with Mamaine and Tato, and has been cooking for over 30 years. It says a lot about his calibre as a Peruvian chef. His fish is fresh and purchased every morning from local fishermen. The high season in Tortugas is between late November through to February. I personally felt that an early October visit was splendid as we had the entire beach and Tortugas to ourselves! I have to say it was the best Ceviche and fried salt water fish I ate in Peru.
El restaurante El Horno: Location Chivay (220 klms north west of Arequipa) – El Horno is mention worthy for its entertainment and warm homely feeling. We were pretty much in the middle of nowhere, and the smell of woodfired pizza in the middle of nowhere is quite homely and reassuring. The Wititi Warriors also played music and their dancers put on a spectacular show. One of the tourist ladies got her ass spanked, twice (and she told the dancer off, who didn’t seem to care the least) – it was quite a memorable night!
Panchita: Location Lima – Of all of the flagship restaurants in Peru, one would expect a Gaston Acurio bannered restaurant to be of the utmost prestigious standard in presentation, taste and standard, and I was not disappointed. The attention to service was fantastic, the waiters were present and very helpful. I really tried, honestly, but I could not finish my delicious 350 gram grilled beef steak, while Letty polished those mean anticuchos… They gave me a take home doggy bag that was reminiscent of a Tiffany’s jewellery hand bag. Impressed!
The last place that deserves a standing ovation (and it was my personal favourite by a long mile) was the chicken “a la brasa” at Don Tito’s restaurant in Lima. Scrumpdidleycious chicken – charcoal roasted Peruvian style, juicy, crispy and heavenly golden coloured… If you love KFC then you will fall in a deeply euphoric and mesmerising food coma when you try Don Tito’s chicken. Don Tito – the real finger lickin’ gooden chicken.

Finally, there was one last restaurant I really wanted to visit but never managed to get there. It is called “El Rancho de Robertin” in Huaral, and Robertin’s speciality is roast pork – apparently, when the pork is cooked, the chef takes the meat off the bone with a plate (not a knife) – he just runs the plate along the pork and it is so soft and tender that it falls off into another plate… Yuuuuummmmmooooo!!!

If you can guess or know what each dish is, I would gladly update this post to include your knowledge… obviously the easy dishes are Ceviche and Tacu Tacu… what are the others??